Wednesday, March 14, 2012

when you were born

when I was pregnant with you we moved towards the end. I was about 8 mos. pregnant. due to health insurance being "pending" we ended up going to a doctor who was pretty far away. (about an hour bus ride) the first time I went I rode the bus. I got off too early. I had Esther with me who was almost 2 years old. we had to cross a huge bridge in downtown St. Paul and walk for a while. it started raining. I prayed in desperation that someone would notice me. and within a minute a very kind woman pulled up beside me in her car and offered to help me find where I was going. she knew about the clinic I was going to, and brought us strait there. and about half way through the appointment she showed up and brought me and Esther jackets, and some fresh clothes for Esther. It was a wonderful reminder that God is truly mindful of us.

the day you were born I woke up feeling uncomfortable early in the morning. your dad and I watched the movie "clue" and I sat on an exercise ball. I was amazed at how much easier it was than the first time. we eventually decided to go to the hospital. you were born in regions hospital in st.Paul MN it was the first hospital to do a quadruple bypass surgery laproscopically. it is one of the premier hospitals in the country.

when I arrived they recommended that I go for a walk inside the hospital before I settled down in a bed. so we did. we went to the gift shop and ate some mentos. there was a janitor who was encouraging me every time I walked by with thumbs up and telling me that he was very happy for me. it is neat when people are so positive.

as I walked it became harder and harder, so I returned to the labor and delivery part of the hospital. I asked for drugs, I went with something a little milder expecting a short labor. Your dad and I talked, and took it easy for a while. things slowed down a bit. then my water broke, and things happened quickly. the rest was rather uneventful for labor I did not really have to push much, and it was quick. right after I had you they held you up for me to see, and the first thing you did was stick out your bottom lip in a huge adorable pout, and it trembled. in that second I wanted to hold and love you. you then let out a very sad cry, and I snuggled you and you calmed down.

there was a special moment when I realized that I was your mom. it felt so good and right to start life with you. you were a sweet baby. you did however know what you wanted when you wanted and let me know.

you were a very good snuggler. most kids squirm and are hard to hold as they get older, but you are sweet and calm and loving.

today you are 4 years old. you still love to snuggle, and give me 30 hugs and kisses a day. it is wonderful.

sometimes I struggle, and you tell me that you forgive me. it makes me smile. there is a book called "Olivia" that ends with the mom putting her child (or in this story a pig) to bed and the mom says: "you really wear me out sometimes, but I forgive you" and Olivia replies: "I forgive you too" this makes me think of you.

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